Wednesday, March 08, 2006
FREE DRUGS FOR SENIORS
ALL DRUGS FREE AND LEGAL FOR SENIORS
The moment a person who worked all his life is put into senior housing for “his own good” because there are people there who know how to take care of him he should immediately become eligible for all the free drugs he wants in any combination and that includes steroids, crack, Quaaludes, Viagra for Harness Trotters, whatever. I mean, why not? It’s already over, so may as well ride off into the sunset inside a purple haze of obliviousness.
Poor Barry Bonds! “The wealthiest man is a pauper at times compared to the man with a satisfied mind.” Barry was evidently not satisfied with being a skinny 30/30 guy like his speedy dad. And he never could be a drug free athlete like either Uncle Willie Mays or Willy McCovey And how sadly twisted and ironic that all those homeruns went out into McCovey Cove where fat white guys in little boats would fight for Mandingo’s ball so they could sell it back to him for major league money.
You know most college people I know took a shot at cheating at one time or another. I actually have no problem with that because we all learn that cheating takes too much creative talent. It’s just easier to get in line behind the concrete thinking achievers and pull down you’re A’s and to wear a tee shirt that reads, ”Dean's List Ain’t Shit!” But when you find out that little achieving do-gooders are the worst cheaters of all it just “makes you want to kill” to quote Randall Patrick McMurphy from the Cuckoos Nest.
Let’s transition back to the Harbor Heath Care Home for Alpha Males with Attitudes. Shit we give people poisonous chemo concoctions and whack off a leg at a time because of diabetes but deny them a crack and Quaalude cocktail. I’d take enough steroids to make balloon animals out of aluminum walkers. “I don’t want to visit Fredman anymore mommy. He made a Warthog out of his walker and started making grunting noises. Nobody has a grandfather like that.”
Can any of us get through the day without performance enhancing drugs? Let’s say nicotine and caffeine are both exempted. Are you still in the game? Let’s talk about drugs that help you cope like alcohol and minor tranquilizers. How about the Redneck cocktail, a Percocet and two Budweiser’s.
Do you know there are high school kids who take Ritalin to help them study? That’s right they buy it off the A.D.D. dealers. “Hey do you owe me money?”
Two years ago I wrote a moving story about an athletic kid who lost the lower part of his left leg to bone cancer. I finished my story by saying for his senior year wearing a prosthetic that the kid would jog a lap of the track with a 1,000 of his classmates running behind him in support. I cried when I wrote it.
The event never happened because the following year this cancer survivor who received his leg from a dying kid and the Make A Wish Foundation was expelled from school for selling his pain medication to friends.
“I was fine with the pain I just needed the money, ’the kid told me and he wasn’t kidding because his sorry ass dad had run off with the waitress from the Chicken Truck Stop.”
I’m off to Gold’s Gym where I’m currently a drug free senior but if someone asked me if I cycle steroids I will answer like Bill Murray in Stripes, ”No I don’t but I’m willing to learn.”
Peace Freddog
--http://davefredman.blogspot.com/
The moment a person who worked all his life is put into senior housing for “his own good” because there are people there who know how to take care of him he should immediately become eligible for all the free drugs he wants in any combination and that includes steroids, crack, Quaaludes, Viagra for Harness Trotters, whatever. I mean, why not? It’s already over, so may as well ride off into the sunset inside a purple haze of obliviousness.
Poor Barry Bonds! “The wealthiest man is a pauper at times compared to the man with a satisfied mind.” Barry was evidently not satisfied with being a skinny 30/30 guy like his speedy dad. And he never could be a drug free athlete like either Uncle Willie Mays or Willy McCovey And how sadly twisted and ironic that all those homeruns went out into McCovey Cove where fat white guys in little boats would fight for Mandingo’s ball so they could sell it back to him for major league money.
You know most college people I know took a shot at cheating at one time or another. I actually have no problem with that because we all learn that cheating takes too much creative talent. It’s just easier to get in line behind the concrete thinking achievers and pull down you’re A’s and to wear a tee shirt that reads, ”Dean's List Ain’t Shit!” But when you find out that little achieving do-gooders are the worst cheaters of all it just “makes you want to kill” to quote Randall Patrick McMurphy from the Cuckoos Nest.
Let’s transition back to the Harbor Heath Care Home for Alpha Males with Attitudes. Shit we give people poisonous chemo concoctions and whack off a leg at a time because of diabetes but deny them a crack and Quaalude cocktail. I’d take enough steroids to make balloon animals out of aluminum walkers. “I don’t want to visit Fredman anymore mommy. He made a Warthog out of his walker and started making grunting noises. Nobody has a grandfather like that.”
Can any of us get through the day without performance enhancing drugs? Let’s say nicotine and caffeine are both exempted. Are you still in the game? Let’s talk about drugs that help you cope like alcohol and minor tranquilizers. How about the Redneck cocktail, a Percocet and two Budweiser’s.
Do you know there are high school kids who take Ritalin to help them study? That’s right they buy it off the A.D.D. dealers. “Hey do you owe me money?”
Two years ago I wrote a moving story about an athletic kid who lost the lower part of his left leg to bone cancer. I finished my story by saying for his senior year wearing a prosthetic that the kid would jog a lap of the track with a 1,000 of his classmates running behind him in support. I cried when I wrote it.
The event never happened because the following year this cancer survivor who received his leg from a dying kid and the Make A Wish Foundation was expelled from school for selling his pain medication to friends.
“I was fine with the pain I just needed the money, ’the kid told me and he wasn’t kidding because his sorry ass dad had run off with the waitress from the Chicken Truck Stop.”
I’m off to Gold’s Gym where I’m currently a drug free senior but if someone asked me if I cycle steroids I will answer like Bill Murray in Stripes, ”No I don’t but I’m willing to learn.”
Peace Freddog
--http://davefredman.blogspot.com/
