Freddogg Off The Chain

A teacher and a hall monitor, the teacher a Phillies fan, said,”The fans of the Phils have nothing to say about A Rod, not if they cheered for that 93’ team with Dykstra, Dalton, Hollins and company.”
I asked if they had seen the caricature of A Rod on the cover of the New Yorker signing autographs for little leaguers with piped out arms. Instantaneously I became leftist liberal commie faggot “in the house.”
The Hall Monitor had a copy of Ann Coulter’s book on his “who was late to class” clipboard. He looked at me askance and I refrained from calling him a freaking moron. I stated to them both “My original question was ‘did you see the cover’ I thought it was clever personally I don’t care what is on your list of banned magazines but the bottom line is “too many conjunctive compound complex sentences the more likely a liberal bias.”
Those to the political right of center are a little edgy these days their paranoia only heightened by Slum Dog Millionaire with all those Indians getting Best Picture and Sean Penn of all people being chosen Best Actor for playing slain activist Harvey Milk who by the way had a Gay Charter school named after him in Greenwich Village.
Two years ago a pair of transvestite students at recess were attracting Johns on the street, then beating them up and stealing their money. I think one was dressed as Ann Coulter and the other Laura Ingram.
Poetic injustice on the mean streets of the metropolis.

Introducing Juan Solution, the single purpose Mexican! Actually the woman on the panel said one solution but my mind makes things up as a defense mechanism from boredom.
My brain is like millions of corrupted files bleeding into one another, That’s why the older and truly insane among us tend to come from education and accomplishment because you have to be fundamentally smart to reach into the barrel of all the way crazy.
I purchased a Toyota license plate for the front of my truck. The guy asked me what color do you prefer and I said “Black Pearl like my women” a reference to the movie Airplane the I asked him if he heard about the man who was half black and half Japanese and he said, “No, Actually I have not.” Now I have learned that people who break apart contractions almost never have a sense of humor “do you know what I am saying?”
“Every December 7 he bombs Pearl Bailey,”that is the joke, now hardly ever funny because people don’t know history or Americana like December 7 or Pearl Bailey.

Peace

Some of my friends look like fit fish out of the exotic aquarium pet store tank. That’s the price you pay for too much working out, regular people stare at you and ask questions like “Do you workout?” and the answer should always be “No, I’m a tax accountant.”
And it’s all relative. When I walk the halls of a nursing home I feel way too big and strong and by the way anyone spending their days and nights in one of those places should have access to anything illegal they want if it makes them feel better including steroids and live performers.
What do you call a fit lesbian in a wife beater shirt? I call them sir because I know they bite and I’m not about to pet one figuratively speaking.
And older men who work out a little then wear wife beater shirts couldn’t beat up their wives, like my Grandmom Rose told suddenly fit Poppy Frank years ago “Go baggy you big German faggy” leave those sleeveless shirts to Buster Crabbe.
And here’s a gym aside: As much as I hate water bottle people especially those new one that look like miniature office coolers never drink from the one public fountain in the gym. I saw this workout freak last weak slosh water around in his mouth then spit it back onto the chromium plutonium silver drain and I though you freaking skuz bucket you just ruined water fountains for me forever.

Check out the haircut that’s all you need to know. You can’t always judge a book by its cover but sometimes the book itself smacks you over the head. Would you let the guy in this picture anywhere near your children, your daughter or even the family cat?
This “muke’s” photo-Largo, Florida- trailer park double wide could be a law- is plastered all over the internet because his girl friend said “get a haircut and a real job” so in retaliation he catnapped, tortured and dismembered her "Siamese if you please" and now he is in jail with the authentic bad guys who by the way surf the mainstream net because it’s part of their stimulus package.
And maybe it’s not cool for convicted sinister multiple victimizers to be cat lovers but the ones who are tend to be large and bald weight lifting sick bitches and they will find this joker and exact cat like tortuous behaviors on him like smacking him about and watching him try to hide under furniture.
Could you kill a trusting domesticated cat for a million dollars in cash like a cat contract but you have to use a knife and cut off the head? We could all use a million dollars but cat capitation?
I’ll tell you right now I could not indulge in inhumane behavior for cash goes back to family backyard gathers and my grandmother saying,”I dare you to go kick that cat” and I’d say “but that’s my own cat” then it was double dare followed by a five dollar offer and I’d say no and she would say “good boy. You are a good boy.” but Cousin Harry had his hand out and I warned him “you kick that cat and I’ll kill your frogman ass.” Just fun at the family phylum party.

Valerie Bertinelli got fat and that made news. I get her confused with an actress from an earlier generation

Adrienne Jo Barbeau A popular sex symbol during my era, she is now 63, her more notable film work includes The Fog, Creepshow, Swamp Thing and Escape from New York. During the 1990s, Barbeau became known for providing the sultry voice of Catwoman on Batman:and she was the tough bitch in Grease.

The movie Swamp Thing had some moth eaten not all the way wrapped mummy chasing Barbeau the Body through the muck wrapped in see through consignment store sundress, the Hollywood premise “You don’t need to spend money on monster when the damsel has breasts money can’t buy because back in those days Augmentation was an Italian mobster.
And so we root for the damsel in “da dress” it’s the latent ‘what a waste to have her eaten by a monster” but if the damsel were a queen size target with a large landing zone X on her back the average man in the audience becomes a participant screaming ‘Catch her fat ass! There’s plenty more where she came from!”
And that is not cruelty but reality that’s why vulnerability in films is always played by someone in shape. We don’t care if fat people get caught, in fact, the men in the audience say things like “can you believe that jive ass monster can’t find the fat bitch behind the curtain?”
And as Eric Clapton sang, “Before you accuse me take a look at yourself.”

Just got back from hospital where I went to visit a colleague in the CC Unit but enough about him.
I was walking through the emergency waiting area and saw a former student and football tackle not yet 30 sitting there was an admissions bracelet.
I delicately inquired as to his condition “what the hell are you doing here?” and he said he thought he pulled a muscle lifting weights but it just wouldn’t stop hurting. He had been there for six hours.
“They told me I drink too much,” the young man said and I asked what led them to that conclusion and he said an ultrasound revealed an enlarged liver.”
“Do you drink a lot” I asked him and he responded in measured speech “Everyday I drink like a fucking fish!”
I congratulated him on the use of his simile and said it also looked like he ate like a horse and by the way it’s not crazy like a fox but sly like a fox and he wanted to know why I was talking about foxes and I told him I was a psych outpatient and just there for my medication.
But seriously weight lifting alcoholic enlarged liver guy what a package. People are delightfully all the way nuts and I think that’s a good thing.
My colleague less than 12 hours from major surgery hooked up to hoses and monitors generating numbers behind his head he could have cared less about managed one strong sentence in between fading n and out of deep sleep.
“Daytime television fucking sucks! It’s worse than reading.”

: Some of my friends us blue language and it’s not my job to change it.

Thirty four years ago I was a bronzed and bored lifeguard sitting on a single stand by the ocean watching a fat Buddha mother encourage and contribute calories to the little obese obelisk sharing her blanket.
The boy had a greasy fried cheeseburger in one hand, a fountain syrupy coke in the other and mom was feeding him French fries by hand. The kid may have been sexually excited like my dog Darby when he rides in the front seat of the V8 Tundra.
Fat parents don’t reflect fat children but follow the fat kid home from school and it’s usually fat mom and her cake batter ass waiting for him at the door.
I can see no reason for children to be fat and weak maybe one or the other but not both. I’m saying by fifth grade the kid should have a personal trainer at school and I don’t mean some playground physical education teacher with arrested development and leap frog fixation. .
Rigged and ripped brings confidence, the body and mind are a closed system, a single entity.
Kids who play all day and don’t have idiot parent at home, are leaner, stronger and have a better sense of humor than those who are slowed by metabolic digestive disorders.
Back in 1960 I watched and listened as Marion Zarankowitz a science teacher and Russian dude-culled the herd of baseball prospects.
He looked at one kid and said,” O.K. way too fat now, take off!” The kid started whining and Zarank told him,”Don’t be a little girl now, take off!”
Plus when the fat kid plays leap frog everybody else stands up.

I am the guy who back in the day bought his wife a frying pan for Christmas purchased at Western Auto no less and it was not a joke I actually thought it was a good idea at the time. It was the nicest never used frying pan I ever saw and the only one I ever coveted which I think breaks one of the commandments. “Hey Moses take two tablets and call me in the morning.”
Remember when Bill Murray in Stripes went after the WAC with a spatula and egg beater and she finally admitted she was sexually stimulated. Don’t ever try that with plugged in appliances.
I recently have been eating less so I compensate by buying kitchen tools specifically designed for fatty and unhealthy foods. I find them at Marshals cleverly placed near the rack of action wear that goes from sizes 2X to 5X. That can’t be a coincidence.
Stainless Steele scooper for ice cream don’t tell me that’s not sexual and how about a sadistic slicing roller to cut pizza from the sorry frozen discs of delight which taste just like the box so why not just eat the picture and save the propane?

I’m out in search of an omelet maker. I love the word omelet especially with the word cheese in front of it. Cheese cutter tool? Those things are crazy cool. Where do I find one?

Cat Steven’s “Tea for the Tillerman” album is one of the most beautiful compilations of music in the history of the freaking planet.
And then came the Iranian hostage crises and the Iranian Revolution and American ignorance and Cat a British citizen of Greek and Swedish origin converted to Islam auctioned off all his guitars and changed his name to Yusuf Islam and went about trying to promote peace in the world as American got drunk and played discus with his album.
In a land of democracy we are not real good tolerating differences and dissent. This current war the Dixie Chicks became the enemy during Vietnam it was Country Joe and the Fish.
Born in the USA by Bruce is a major protest of Vietnam but no one realizes it they just run around screaming Bruce and Born in the USA not realizing the message.
The quote from “draft resister” Muhammad Ali remains one of my favorites.
“Ain’t no Vietcong ever call me nigger”.
Listen to the Cat Stevens music utube linked below. That’s what I’m talking about!




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ESHjYat9rk&eurl=http://allspirit.co.uk/morning.htm l