Sunday, March 19, 2006
FREE FELINE
GIVE AWAY- I was checking out the classified section in our local paper The Cape Gazette and came upon a Give Away Pet.
You know that rescue animals are all the shit right now and it’s a lot easier to lay down $500 for a good lab and avoid the criminal background check and bonding two hour visitation.
But anyway this “Give Away Pet” was a 14 year old cat. I know what you’re thinking. Who gives away some old and contented and can’t see it coming Fat Cat and worse yet who picks up the phone because the cat is offered for free?
Ring! Ring! A weak “Hello” and a muffled “meow” in the background.
“Is this the bitch giving away her lifelong companion?”
‘Excuse me?”
‘You still got the free cat I read about in the paper?”
“Yes, I do.”
‘What is it?”
“It’s a cat, that’s what I told them to put in the ad, “Cat.”
“I know it’s a dam cat! Is it male or female, what color, fat or skinny?”
‘It’s an altered Calico male and don’t start that all three colored cats are female cause this Phat Boy isn’t.”
“What are you making fun of your own cat?”
“I’m not, his name is Phat Boy. It’s hip-hop.’
“So why are you giving his sorry ass to a stranger after all these years?”
“Because he makes my granddaughter’s head swell up and her eyes water and she breaks out in hives.”
“Great does Phat Boy get along with other animals?”
“No, he don’t!”
‘Good, I’ll come get him because my cat and dog are getting on my nerves. Maybe they need an Old School Phat Boy ass whuppin?”
“Phat Boy kick some serious tail and be liken it yo! I knew I’d find him a good home. Do you have a cat carrier”?
“Does a pick up bed work?”
“Works for me!”
One last question mam. How do I get there?”
“I thought you said you had a truck?”
‘
You know that rescue animals are all the shit right now and it’s a lot easier to lay down $500 for a good lab and avoid the criminal background check and bonding two hour visitation.
But anyway this “Give Away Pet” was a 14 year old cat. I know what you’re thinking. Who gives away some old and contented and can’t see it coming Fat Cat and worse yet who picks up the phone because the cat is offered for free?
Ring! Ring! A weak “Hello” and a muffled “meow” in the background.
“Is this the bitch giving away her lifelong companion?”
‘Excuse me?”
‘You still got the free cat I read about in the paper?”
“Yes, I do.”
‘What is it?”
“It’s a cat, that’s what I told them to put in the ad, “Cat.”
“I know it’s a dam cat! Is it male or female, what color, fat or skinny?”
‘It’s an altered Calico male and don’t start that all three colored cats are female cause this Phat Boy isn’t.”
“What are you making fun of your own cat?”
“I’m not, his name is Phat Boy. It’s hip-hop.’
“So why are you giving his sorry ass to a stranger after all these years?”
“Because he makes my granddaughter’s head swell up and her eyes water and she breaks out in hives.”
“Great does Phat Boy get along with other animals?”
“No, he don’t!”
‘Good, I’ll come get him because my cat and dog are getting on my nerves. Maybe they need an Old School Phat Boy ass whuppin?”
“Phat Boy kick some serious tail and be liken it yo! I knew I’d find him a good home. Do you have a cat carrier”?
“Does a pick up bed work?”
“Works for me!”
One last question mam. How do I get there?”
“I thought you said you had a truck?”
‘
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The watchdog group, Cats Unlimited, has redflagged this blogsite. Dogs off the chain have always gotten our attention, but the latest entry includes material which, frankly, gets our dander up. Don't think we haven't noticed the subtext message in "Old Cats Don't Purr" either. We are on you, Dogg. Cats are always unleashed.
# posted by 
: 12:51 PM
: 12:51 PM
Just letting you know it works. I don't read anything about cats. Cats suck. I am a dog person. ---Terry
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# posted by : 4:57 AM
: 4:57 AM << Home
