Freddogg Off The Chain

Question: What do you call an anorexic on lunch duty? Answer: A public school employee.
I have great compassion for any child suffering through a self destructive syndrome that can lead to their demise. But once that person passes 30 I take off the gloves and start making jokes. And if the person is passed 50 I will commence to bring my A game.

The unattainable control exhibited by an aging dieter just brings out the raw dog in me and I know it’s wrong and I don’t care. I used to watch this rail thin dieter every morning take a piece of toast from the cafeteria, carefully package it inside cross hatched napkins, then place it in the warmer oven. One day I saw her come back at 10 o’clock where she snagged it and took it to her office. Do you know how long a single piece of toast can be made to last by the clinically disturbed dieter?
Easily two hours until the ritual of eating like a bird at lunch surrounded by wallowing hippos takes place.
So I started stealing her piece of toast or substituting cheese for plain toast then once I just took a bite and put it back. Weight loss feeds on itself and some selves aren’t built for positive reinforcement because they don’t know how to handle it the boney bastards.

Oh dam, Sunkist my butt. Who ate all the chocolate covered raisins? Now I have to make another run to Sam’s Club.

Peace Freddogg