Freddogg Off The Chain

A little sign hung in front of the sunglass shack. It cleverly read, ”Sunglasses.” On the other side of the sign it read "Totes”. I backed up because I thought it said sunglasses. I was confused in a short term memory sort of way. "Well, what the hell was it?”

I didn’t realize I needed one of those preppy sunglasses straps but in the door I went. “Where the hell are my sunglasses? Have you looked on top of your head? Are you happy to see me?"

A tall black retail guy was on me like he stepped off the NBA’s all defensive team.

“Is it sunglasses or totes yo, ”I asked jokingly.

“What are you looking for, ”he asked?

“Do you have straps for glasses or whatever the hell you call them?”
“Yes we have lots of them over here.”

Jesus there were thousands all looking pretty much the same. How many can you sell? How many losers walk in a store prompted by the sunglasses/totes swinging sign?

“Are they all pretty much the same or is one pretty much as good as another, ”I asked the young man. “Pretty much depends on what color you prefer.”

“Black like my women, ”I said, borrowing a joke from the movie Airplane.” He didn’t bat or black an eye.

“Here are the black ones. “

I picked one up, it was six dollars I went for cash tried to check out with efficient retail white lady on cell phone. She held out her hand but I wouldn’t hand her the strap until she got off the phone.

I don’t converse or interact with phone people because I end up answering questions from the other conversation. “Sure I’ll be in town this weekend I live here. I don’t have a cat.” “What are you talking about?” “No, what are you talking about?”

So I look over at all the sunglasses and ask this really dumb question. ‘Do you have an array of sunglasses here?” The unintentional pun comes deep from within a person’s pun center. “An a-ray of sunglasses?”

“Yes we have lots of different kinds of sunglasses?”

‘Well of course you do. Otherwise you’d have two thousand pairs of the same sunglasses. So why did I ask that question? Let me answer it. I am Big Loser Boy! And I’ll tell you another thing, "I don’t mind it!”

Have you ever done that? Walked out of somewhere talking badly about yourself? “You are such a dunce! You freaking idiot! Where’s your keys you fat freaking hair all messed up cargo short wearing moron?

Peace Freaking Freddogg