Freddogg Off The Chain

I have a certain respect for men who dress up as women on a Saturday night and hit the gay bars. I'd have even more respect if they pulled up a stool at a regular bar. "Bobby,what's up? Looks like you have dry wall dust on you blouse." Transvestites are disordered individuals and although I have never had the urge to wear a sundress and I don’t understand the allure I am willing to accept another person’s commitment to deviance that doesn’t hurt anyone

But what about the "364 days a year straight men" who dress up as women on Halloween? And then they begin to swish around and bat their eyelashes and even pout and deploy other facially alluring behaviors that inspire real gay guys to exclaim, ”Please stop it, you big hairy fairy.”

My wife came up with the observation that most people dress up on Halloween as what they secretly wish they could be. I absolutely hate adult Halloween parties. I especially can’t stand educated married couples with complimenting extravagant disguises, you know, like freaking Jedi or shit like that.

In an old episode of "All in the Family", Gloria dressed in a blond wig which turned on her husband Meathead –they don’t call me meathead because I’m stupid- and every time they went to bed he wanted her to wear the wig and she got mad because he was aroused by wig women and it was a funny shtick because in real life on Halloween night weird stuff happens across this strange culture of ours like, ”Honey would you mind leaving the nun outfit on while I look for a ruler.”

The few times I dressed up it took about five minutes. Once I wore a real hollowed out pumpkin on my head and this fat woman dressed like Momma Cass kept following me around. It was weird. Another time I was Superman or Superfredman.

Remember the Super Hero joke where Superman lands on top of a sleeping and naked Wonder Woman, has quick sex with her, then quickly flies out the window. She opens her eyes and says, ”Whoa, what was that?’
“I don’t know, “says the Invisible Man. But he tore my butt up!”

I once dressed like Yassir Arafat and I was cool with that but everyone thought I was Ringo Starr off the Sergeant Pepper Album. Another time I went as one of the Outsiders or what is commonly known as a Greaser.” Most people thought it was a better look for me.

I would like to know what costume you wore as an adult where you felt so weirdly out of character that you couldn’t wait to take it off and conversely what character did you become where you felt in complete harmony.

And if you went the cross gender route tell me why and were you good at it.

In real life I own no suit and no dark socks and one pair of black othepedic nun shoes and the rest sneakers and just two shirts with collars a black one and a white one and one intermingled ball of ties on the closet floor that would take a Chinese puzzle grandmaster three weeks to unravel.

What does that say about me?

Peace Freddogg