Freddogg Off The Chain

Years ago in downtown Lewes, Delaware, a dirt bag rich guy used a house across the street from us he purchased at auction, to store boxes of crap he purchased at other auctions. The house had been lived in by an elderly man and it was only after he died that we discovered there was also an elderly woman living inside. I was sitting on the front steps on a summer’s night and there was her silhouette in the window looking like Mrs. Bates. It freaked me out! A week later the fire department came and took her away as she was not only off her rocker but had set it on fire. She never came back.

One afternoon the hoarder of other peoples memories laid an industrial strength 45 foot construction grade aluminum ladder against the slant of a side roof. It stayed there for two years. One afternoon I saw my young twin sons and friend climb up the ladder and onto the roof. I walked across the street yelled at them to back down one at a time and that’s when I decided to steal the ladder.

So that night I single handedly and without conspiratorial assistance muscled the ladder down from the roof carried it across the street and put it inside a 20 by 75 tin shack on the back of my historic property.

The next day the dirty assed greasy guy and two town cops were walking around the outside of the house like suddenly a 45 foot ladder was going to walk up to them and ask, ”say have you guys been looking for me?”

The Chief of Police came across the street with a smile on his face and asked, ”Hey Fredman. I don’t suppose you noticed anyone taking a ladder from across the street.”

“As a matter of fact I did see two old black guys in a beat up pick-up take that ladder like they knew it wasn’t theirs.”

“Really,” said the Chief who was black.

“Hell no, not really, ”I laughed "You know black people ain’t stealing no big assed ladder. You know some big assed white dude took that bitch. Someone big and strong who could handle that ladder and make it disappear.”

The Chief looked and me and I said, ”Go ahead Mr.Ready to believe Black People Be Stealing Ladders and shit. Go ahead and ask me.”

“I’m not going to ask you,” he said. “I know you didn’t take it.”

I’m not sure which of my friends now has what we call the “hot ladder” but if you ever need one that big just give me a holler.


Some crimes are simply justifiable and make you feel good about yourself. How about you? Ever pull off the perfect crime even if it was only a candy bar?

Peace Freddogg