Saturday, April 08, 2006
Lobster Cracker
I looked down at my sky blue shirt by Polo this morning, the same one I wore to dinner last night and the same one I slept in overnight and noticed a big butter stain right in the middle. I often wondered if talking to your self constituted referring to yourself in the third person? ‘Fredman, you disgusting low down groveling pig. You do have that side of you and pigs by definition have no sides because they are round.
The image of the ugly American to me is some rich ass older rumpled white guy with a disagreeable attitude cracking a whole lobster then dipping lobster body parts in butter. I was watching this guy last night, he was dining alone and when the young waitress asked him ”Is everything all right” he just shrugged and emanated an attitude that called for a smack down but I was too busy dropping food on my shirt.
Then I saw him give the waitress five dollars to crack his lobster because he didn’t like the way the lobster tail fit inside the provided cracker device. I wished I had been his waiter at that point I would have said, “Crack your own fucking lobster it may be one of the few survival skills you have left.”
Earlier in the day I was at Dunkin Doughnuts getting a coffee and home style for my dog Jesse. But first I had to suffer through pony tailed 40 something white guy and his adoring red necked girl friend confusing the counter girl from Thailand as they ordered fancy ice cream
I mumbled to the heating and air guy next to me as we were both ready to unravel, "Stupid assed pony tailed mother fucker”. Then this idiot who took way too much time didn’t leave the Tai girl any coinage in the tip cup. No wonder we as a culture are so easy to hate.
The heating and air guy called to me when we both got outside. Does your dog like hamburgers? I have a extra one because they had a special 2 for 1 at McDonald’s today and the thing is smelling up my truck.
I took it, unwrapped it, and handed it to Jesse in the front seat of the truck. She just sat there with a burger in her mouth like, ”What happens next?”
What happened next was I broke it into smaller pieces and fed them to her ‘two for you and one for me’ but basically I was cracking her lobster the lazy assed yellow stick retrieving bitch.
I sure hope those Mexicans finish detailing my Japanese car today.
Peace Freddogg
The image of the ugly American to me is some rich ass older rumpled white guy with a disagreeable attitude cracking a whole lobster then dipping lobster body parts in butter. I was watching this guy last night, he was dining alone and when the young waitress asked him ”Is everything all right” he just shrugged and emanated an attitude that called for a smack down but I was too busy dropping food on my shirt.
Then I saw him give the waitress five dollars to crack his lobster because he didn’t like the way the lobster tail fit inside the provided cracker device. I wished I had been his waiter at that point I would have said, “Crack your own fucking lobster it may be one of the few survival skills you have left.”
Earlier in the day I was at Dunkin Doughnuts getting a coffee and home style for my dog Jesse. But first I had to suffer through pony tailed 40 something white guy and his adoring red necked girl friend confusing the counter girl from Thailand as they ordered fancy ice cream
I mumbled to the heating and air guy next to me as we were both ready to unravel, "Stupid assed pony tailed mother fucker”. Then this idiot who took way too much time didn’t leave the Tai girl any coinage in the tip cup. No wonder we as a culture are so easy to hate.
The heating and air guy called to me when we both got outside. Does your dog like hamburgers? I have a extra one because they had a special 2 for 1 at McDonald’s today and the thing is smelling up my truck.
I took it, unwrapped it, and handed it to Jesse in the front seat of the truck. She just sat there with a burger in her mouth like, ”What happens next?”
What happened next was I broke it into smaller pieces and fed them to her ‘two for you and one for me’ but basically I was cracking her lobster the lazy assed yellow stick retrieving bitch.
I sure hope those Mexicans finish detailing my Japanese car today.
Peace Freddogg
Comments:
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Hey freddogg,
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
# posted by 
: 11:18 AM
: 11:18 AM
Hey freddogg,
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
# posted by : 11:20 AM
: 11:20 AM
Hey freddogg,
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
# posted by : 11:20 AM
: 11:20 AM
Hey freddogg,
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
# posted by : 11:20 AM
: 11:20 AM
Hey freddogg,
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
# posted by : 11:20 AM
: 11:20 AM
Hey freddogg,
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
# posted by : 11:20 AM
: 11:20 AM
Hey freddogg,
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
# posted by : 11:20 AM
: 11:20 AM
Hey freddogg,
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
You SHOULD break your dog's hamburger into small peieces and you should also butter her toast and put cream cheese on her bagel...at least that's what I do every morning for my 2 Shelties.When are people going to realize that THE DOG (pardon that word) RUNS THE SHOW!!!!! I, personally, do as I am told by my two...and if I do something the wrong way...they let me know. They have their "ways" of complaining. By the way, you wrote about your dog "Mickey" (I think that's the name) dying from Lyme disease. I give my two little turds the heartworm preventative monthly and I thought that covered Lyme disease...does it not? If it doesn't I've been risking alot. I'm going to call my vet and ask for certain. I missed one month of heartworm preventative and one of mine almost died from that. The cost of treatments was unbelievable but nothing compared to losing her. I've looked into pet insurance...but haven't found one that sounds "kosher". Keep on "cracking that lobster for Jesse"
# posted by : 11:20 AM
: 11:20 AM
Sorry freddogg, I think I sent 8 comments instead of one. This "machine" went waacko and I'm not sure why...could it be the idiot operating it???? My e mail address should be "heydumbass"
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# posted by : 11:33 AM
: 11:33 AM << Home
