Freddogg Off The Chain

Who invented support groups and court ordered mandatory counseling and classes? I saw a public service announcement in a local paper that said, ”Monday evening meeting for adults afflicted with A.D.D. Meeting is from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.

You can’t make that up! “Hello my name is Fredman and I have A.D.D. Hello, ”I said, My name is Fredman and I have A.D.D.”

“Yea Yea we heard you.”

“Then what’s my name?”

“You didn’t say your name, you said you were a dead man. Anyway no need to go on and on about it.”

I use to teach a Psychology class in the evening division of a community college. Across the hall was what became known as the “drunk class.” These were people without licenses matriculating themselves back to full credentials because they felt stupid and at risk riding a bike home from Happy Hour.

Many of these people showed up late for class and half drunk. In today’s parlance, we’d say they had alcohol issues, but back in the day they were just good old fashioned drunks.
I had a friend once with a suspended license who asked me for a ride to Anger Management class. He had threatened his estranged wife with a garden rake after rolling dead drunk from the front bench seat of his Ford F150 in front of a trailer where his wife was staying.

My friend, who had been drinking all afternoon told me, ”I don’t have any fucking anger problems. I’m no more-angrier than the next person. Anyway it was a leaf rake. Do you know how hard you’d have to hit someone to hurt them with a leaf rake? You would have to hold it high over your head and beat them in the face over and over just to draw a little blood, that fucking bitch!”

I argued with my friend and persuaded him into skipping Anger Class that night. And I warned him,"Don't even think of reaching for a yard implement. I ain't your fat assed former wife!"

Do you know that the Homo sapien is the only primate who can take control of the group without kicking someone’s ass? Or at the very least exhibit a baleful stare that no one wants to challenge.

That’s why in my 35 year teaching career I hardly ever attended mandatory meetings, first of all because I hate the word mandatory and secondly I could almost always beat up the person doing the speaking and I figured if I can beat them up then I shouldn’t be listening to them as they did nothing to earn my respect at the most primal of levels and I would not contribute to the overall watering down of the physical strength of the tribe of humans.

Ironically those who work professionally in the field of education are among the dumbest and disconnected people on the planet.

Like the experts who rolled into a high school to tackle the problem of chronic truancy. They ask for only the most truant of the lot those who excelled in the art of being someplace other that the place required.

The first session was just for the 11 students selected, no teachers or parents were allowed. The experts were going to get down to it and uncover the real reasons these children didn’t want to attend school.

You guessed it. It was 100 percent perfect non attendance. The kids didn’t show up. They had better go find them because my guess is that they are our future leaders.

Peace Freddogg