Freddogg Off The Chain

An alcoholic is any person who drinks more than I do. An addiction is any behavior a person can’t stop that I personally have no problem avoiding.

I was recently sitting along a salt water tidal canal In Lewes on a late afternoon weekday drinking a Coors Light and talking to some young people who were former students and didn’t mind getting raging drunk every once in awhile say once or twice a week.

What caught my attention is when they looked down the bar and the row of tables next to the bar and said,” Fredman, some of these people are here everyday. How do they do it? How do they function and get up and go to work everyday? How do they afford it?”

I said, ”I don’t know and waved to the woman behind the bar who cracked open "my beer" and passed me another Coors Light which is what I drink when I’m not drinking.

I’ll never forget the moment 30 years ago in Burke's Irish bar in Philly on a Friday afternoon as a bunch of young teachers raced past hour four of Happy Hour. A young wife appeared and sat at our table. Her English teacher husband was engrossed at the bumper pool table. She asked us all a very serious question: “Do you guys think Tom is an alcoholic?”

The thing is he was definitely an alcoholic while we were only situational take it or leave it drink too much to enhance our socialization skills morons. I knew I wasn’t an alcoholic, Tom knew he wasn’t an alcoholic but all we drunks of that moment knew Tom was an alcoholic.

Little Jewish Howard looked at Italian girl and young wife Carol and said, ”Abso-fucking-lutely on Tom and we’ll all drink to that.” Howard was real smart and considered his joke high ball humor but Carol lost it and never talked to any of us again because she was starting out along a long journey with a loquacious and clever alcoholic funnyman that was funny to everyone but her.

A few Friday's past the alcoholic rekoning I was sitting next to Tom as his assistant basketball coach during a basketball game. Because it was Friday night our Happy Hour had to be postponed. Our team was comfortably ahead in the fourth quarter when point guard Odell Hart was called for traveling. Tom stood up, “Bad Call! Bad Call!” Then he looked at me and said, ”Speaking of bad calls, I have to call my wife. Take over.”

Tom came back a few minutes later, ”We are cleared for Happy Hour. I don’t need a drink but I sure would like one.”

What did you tell Carol?" " I told her you needed somebody to drink with. I told her you had a problem and I wanted to discuss it with you.”

“What did she say?”

“She said she already knew that but I shouldn’t expect you to admit it.”

We got to Burke’s bar and ordered two Heinekens. I loved the way cold drops of water rolled slowly down the green bottle. Tom looked at me and said, ”Do you want a shot of Corby’s?”

“What is Corby’s, ”I asked? “Whisky,” Tom said, and intercepting the bartender said, ”Get my alcoholic friend and me a shot of whiskey."

“Here’s to denying all realities, ”Tom said, as we toasted and got toasted and celebrated still being in the first half our lives.”

What’s the moral? I’m 60 and still here and still a social drinker so give me a plaque. Tom is in the throes of long term recovery and completely sober. I am sorry for his bad fortune.

Hey bartender,"One more and I'm outta here!"

Peace Freddogg