Friday, June 16, 2006
SWAT UP?
"Keep a knocking but you can’t come in. Come back tomorrow night and try it again.”
Remember Judge Alito, well he’s on the Supreme Court now and the “knock three times” on the ceiling before you bust me rule has been replaced by the “no knock on wood” rule if a search warrant is in hand?
The civil libertarians are scurrying on this one making sure there are false bricks in the fireplace to hide their stash.
Heavy duty drug dealers just lost valuable disposal time while addicted sewer gators will be coming topside looking for a fix.
Judge Alito says the police are more professional than they were 40 years ago but he’s never vacationed in Dewey Beach, Delaware and been awakened with a flashlight and German Shepard both six inches from his face. Why six?
I used to tell my students that "at times town cops enforce the law incorrectly on purpose just to increase the hassle and parental annoyance factor so you won’t return to their town with your sorry assed underage drinking and public intoxicated bush spraying self."
I have all kinds of experience with police raids and now that evidence seized without knocking—knocking is still politely suggested—won’t be excluded –the game of cops and robbers has turned into a track meet favoring the sprinters rather than the weight people. In that case place your bets on the shirtless sprinting crack heads. If they ever start wearing Under Armour instead of baggy jeans they will never be caught. Peanut, did you get walked by a fat lesbian in boots and wide belt? Your sorry tail belongs in jail”—a nice rhyming scheme by the way.
Remember a dirty sweat sock smells just like marijuana which gives cops probable cause to search you, your house, your locker and the shoes on your feet. “Your dogs are barking man. Take a shower and pick up some new socks the next time you’re shoplifting at Marshalls.”
Personally, I have been searched and seized a few times in my life and I’m not a person to teach a course in Criminology while I’m in the process of being falsely arrested. Most criminal cases are eventually tossed by the courts because of how hard it is to follow constitutional procedures while cuffing potential hostiles out in the field.
I’m looking for “I was arrested but I didn’t do it” stories or “I was arrested and did do it but they couldn’t prove it” stories or “I should have been arrested lots of times but I wasn’t stories.”
If a stranger knocks it’s not a cop.
Peace Freddogg
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Confessions for a High School dumb ass: Way back in 1990 a bunch of us cool kids almost got the bust of a lifetime. I will not name names to protect the innocent (we are talking parents here) but a gaggle of us decided one Saturday night to have a party in a condo on the boardwalk. Seems someone found a key and decided it was a sign that we needed another party. So there we go up to Star of the Sea floor 11. There are only about 5 of us, 4 girls and one boy who was big time trouble. One of us had a fully stocked bar of crappy schnapps, grain alcohol, Natty Bo and Peils Beer in the trunk of her car left over from the party the night before. It makes my stomach turn to think of all the crap I drank in high school, it’s a wonder I can think at all… Anyway, the phone rings and we all panic. Seems the security at the front desk doesn’t like it when people break into condos and have parties. So what do we do? We run like we are on COPS. A split screen movie version of running up and down stairways all over the building like it was 1960. The dude we were with jumps off the second floor onto the sand and runs away leaving the four girls (most of us honor society officers) for the big bust. Rehoboth Beach was still empty in December back then, so this was a major situation for the cops who showed up in all 5 of their squad cars. Then we go down town for a major shake down. Our bar car is escorted on each side by cops and the interrogations begin, well sorta, “you girls are going to have to call your parents.” Mixed reactions: “am I still going to be able to be confirmed?” comes from our Irish catholic, sobbing from another, and pacing from the girl who might be able to make this all go away. My reaction? Laughing. Which, if you have ever been taken down town doesn’t go over real well. So, at the end of the day we were all picked up by our folks and skipped any actual trouble with the law. No finger printing, no search of the bar car, no punishment from our folks who thought the scared straight deal might just work. In fact, our dear friend did get confirmed but probably spent lots of time in the confessional. Most of us are now parents, and pledge to make sure OUR kids don’t drink such shit when they grow up, we hope they don't act so stupid, too.
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