Freddogg Off The Chain

“Big Loser Boy” my pet name for myself as I travel the countryside reporting on the prime time athletic lives of others had spent 8 hours covering girl’s field hockey and football so I was ready for a Friday night beer. What I wasn’t ready for were the people who sit around bars on “Friday Night Lites” looking all blown out, fat and stupid and getting fatter and more stupid by the drink.

The Boosters Club for football handed out flyers at the game indicating a post game social to celebrate a victory. The team lost so nobody showed up but me and there was another teacher with whom I’m compatible and so I sat down next to him and we began to talk about coaching and kids but I kept being distracted by the young woman in red shoes and matching shirt bartending and the 95 year old guy with a cane asking to see her breasts.

It was all somewhat humorous in a pathetic sort of way but then I noticed two young women to my right nestled around four plates of bar foods including a greasy and cheesy pile of nachos, boiled sea creatures and skins from vegetables and puffin muffin deep fried stuff.

“Have you caught this act to my right, ”I asked my friend Chris? “And here I thought there was no entertainment tonight.”

Chris mentioned and I concurred that these girls were young and could be pretty if they stopped hunching over and shoveling bullshit food into their mouths. These girls were rooting and snorting, groveling and belching and I wanted to just say “Hi, did you girls go to school around here” but there was no expectation of civility at the bar and I’m sure they would have thought I was hitting on them so I could get some nachos.

They got up to leave and both were tall, well dressed with hour glass figures and stretch pants and fat like “it’s a shame fat” but it ain’t like your not working at it.”

I think these women should have been sent to prison for rehabilitation boot camp just like we do with drug addictions. Actually I think all personal over indulgences should be legal as long as you don’t drive impaired or while shaped like a pear.

What do you all think?

Dr. Freddogg