Friday, September 08, 2006
Chicken of the Sea
Mr. Gross Baby Photo
His name was Mr. Gross, a lay math teacher, but all the students at Bishop Eagan Catholic High School just called him Fish Head. Gross had bulging eyeballs beyond the double recessive mathematical improbability. He was afflicted with a gland that over secreted and probably the drinking didn’t help either. But he was a good guy which unfortunately cut no ice with Catholic boys of the Sixties battered by priests all day long. There are no mutated creatures on earth that keep from being prey and thrive because they are nice guys. “Nice guys don’t finish last, they don’t finish at all.”
One Monday morning the minority of those who cared asked Mr. Gross if he had graded the quizzes over the weekend. “No, no I didn’t, ” he said, in a low voice shuffling some papers. Some whiny kid kept after him. “But you said you would. My step dad wants to see the test when I get home.”
“Maybe I’ll have it tomorrow,”Gross said, hoping the kid would go away.
I was sitting in aisle four about three seats from the front. “Just exactly what does a guy like you do all weekend anyway, ”I asked Gross.
I don’t know why I asked him it just came over me that a carp colored fish head with no wife and kids, a teacher who didn’t attend athlete events, couldn’t get around to grading some sorry math quizzes to keep the wankers who cared out of his wheel house.
“What did you say, ”Gross said, putting two hollow point holes in my chest with those fish head eyes. “What did I do all weekend? Maybe I’ll come down that aisle and you’ll find out.”
The class responded with the predictable “Whoa!!!”
Gross shook his head up and down like he had won a round. I should have let him have it but I couldn’t.
“Bring it on down Chicken of the Sea.” Yep that was me, troll the bait and I will snap.
Fish Head is a better nickname and shorter than Chicken of the Sea but Gross evolved and who knows maybe went on to become an amphibian. After all, you can’t shake hands with a fish and they don’t grade tests either.
Don’t look for a closing moral here. I was an idiot, end of story!
Freddogg Fish Head
His name was Mr. Gross, a lay math teacher, but all the students at Bishop Eagan Catholic High School just called him Fish Head. Gross had bulging eyeballs beyond the double recessive mathematical improbability. He was afflicted with a gland that over secreted and probably the drinking didn’t help either. But he was a good guy which unfortunately cut no ice with Catholic boys of the Sixties battered by priests all day long. There are no mutated creatures on earth that keep from being prey and thrive because they are nice guys. “Nice guys don’t finish last, they don’t finish at all.”
One Monday morning the minority of those who cared asked Mr. Gross if he had graded the quizzes over the weekend. “No, no I didn’t, ” he said, in a low voice shuffling some papers. Some whiny kid kept after him. “But you said you would. My step dad wants to see the test when I get home.”
“Maybe I’ll have it tomorrow,”Gross said, hoping the kid would go away.
I was sitting in aisle four about three seats from the front. “Just exactly what does a guy like you do all weekend anyway, ”I asked Gross.
I don’t know why I asked him it just came over me that a carp colored fish head with no wife and kids, a teacher who didn’t attend athlete events, couldn’t get around to grading some sorry math quizzes to keep the wankers who cared out of his wheel house.
“What did you say, ”Gross said, putting two hollow point holes in my chest with those fish head eyes. “What did I do all weekend? Maybe I’ll come down that aisle and you’ll find out.”
The class responded with the predictable “Whoa!!!”
Gross shook his head up and down like he had won a round. I should have let him have it but I couldn’t.
“Bring it on down Chicken of the Sea.” Yep that was me, troll the bait and I will snap.
Fish Head is a better nickname and shorter than Chicken of the Sea but Gross evolved and who knows maybe went on to become an amphibian. After all, you can’t shake hands with a fish and they don’t grade tests either.
Don’t look for a closing moral here. I was an idiot, end of story!
Freddogg Fish Head
