Freddogg Off The Chain

Woody Allen said he grew up neurotic because he was breast feed on falsies. There are no such things as falsies in the new millennium when breast augmentation is an option and remember it takes two hands to handle a whopper.

Sinbad does a routine of staring at a women on the beach and his wife says, ”What are you looking at Mr. Dog? Don’t you know they ain’t real?”

Sinbad’s response: ”Don’t they know we don’t care?”

Another favorite Sinbad line of mine which I have incorporated into a working daily philosophy of life comes from a routine where he is talking to hair weaved guys.

“Listen to me now, ”Sinbad said. “You can’t be bald headed on Monday and have hair down to your butt on Wednesday. At least try to fool somebody.”

This brings me around to the 38 year old Double D Anna Nicole Smith story which is on the lead page of every major web site. Do you ever read stories then say, ”I am such a big loser why I’m I interested in this followed by going Colombo trying to figure it out?”

Anna had a baby then her 20 year old son came to the Bahamas to visit mom and new baby half sister because he was just so thrilled if not perpetually confused having been conceived at Jim’s Krispy Fried Chicken in Texas then later watched his mother marry an 89 year old oil tycoon who dies a year later. Anna Nicole’s financial award which began at $474 million is currently down to ZERO!

Anyway I had to get all that shit out there to coke to the point--I mean make the point-- where the kid stays the night in now 3D Diet Product Mom’s room and in the morning is dead in the chair.

How many 20 year old men hang in hospital maternity rooms with mom in a, “Lionel Ritchie All Night Long” contentment when all kinds of Bahaman Mammas are running around on the sand in Rastafarian free love mode? Door number one is the drugs, door number two is me and door number three is the cheeseburgers.”

I believe this story is as wrong as John Karr which I never believed for a second. I believe poor Daniel waved goodbye in a lonely motel room whacked on a foreign substance.

“Stories that don’t appear likely to be true are rarely ever true but sometimes maybe true,” Aristotle said to Plato after a bong hit.

And admit it, you have your theories on this as well. And if you fell for the John Karr story, just get of my class!

Professor Freddogg