Freddogg Off The Chain

The Catholics taught me that we are all made in the image and likeness of god.

"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together
See how we run like pigs from a gun, see how we fly, Im cryin'

"Koo Koo Ka Jiffy Lube"

There are mirrors and cameras everywhere and digital camcorders and phones that take pictures.
I can go to a gym with all walls surrounded by mirrors and never once look back. I can get my hair cut and never look at myself, I just always respond, ”Yes, that looks good.”
Am I insecure suffering from low self esteem? Not at all, I just prefer a well fantasized idealized version of myself but only for myself. I don’t care what others think for the most part because in all realities what difference does it make?
I was sitting at a bar a few years back WHEN some slovenly undesirable clam eating scum bag across the way identified himself as a Principal from Pennsylvania. Now why would he do that?
The he looked across at me and said, ”You’re that guy from the newspaper. You are very clever and funny but if you were a teacher at my school you’d be fired. And then he said I was much fatter in person than my picture and why didn’t I use a picture that showed me as I really was and maybe I wasn’t so cool as I portrayed myself.
I ignored this idiot because I knew all his observations to be incorrect and meaningless but he kept nagging. Finally, I turned to my electrician friend and country philosopher, Doc Pepper, and said, ”I think I’m going to go over and dislodge old fat boy from his bar stool.”
"You don’t get to do that, ”Doc said. “You can be a teacher all the kids love and the writer everyone thinks is honest and funny but you don’t get to throw visiting principals from out of state off of barstools. It’s just not allowed.”
Last Sunday I was sitting in the Eagles pressbox feeling annoyed that almost all sportswriters never played a down of football in their lives but they knew everything and were hypercritical of the athletes. And without warning I hit a key on my new Mac Powerbook and I was staring at myself staring back at myself with my nose dissecting the screen like the prime meridian. I started pounding keys until I faded to gray and went away.
What is all this self reflection all about? Are you happy? Do you possess a realistic self image? Can you face survive high definition on liquid crystal? Who gives a flying fudgsicle?
I’m better now!

Peace Freddogg