Freddogg Off The Chain

I was calf raising the stack at Gold’s Gym this morning when a nearby, way too fat guy said, ”Don’t you wish the rest of our body's looked as good as our calves” and I realized that this non committed to self improvement client of a personal trainer was making a way too personal identification with my ass and I didn’t like it.

I did notice later that all the lights in the multipurpose windowless workout room were off and body pumped women—the SUV driving morning mommies of the Western World- were in there lying on their backs contemplating themselves in a relaxation warm down . It had to be Yoga and I thought “Creepy Yoga” a new stretching regimen after my curls and calves routine.

Just Grandpa, in the middle of the floor, surrounded by warm blooded mommy mammalians, still active in the breeding population of the human race while I circled the rim digging in the dirt looking for my misplaced food cache.

I don’t trust men who hang around groups of women because I respect women, I like them, but I ain’t going to train them or coach them or mentor them or teach health in an all girls school. I’m a real guy and I know there are things I shouldn’t be doing.

Once I was in a class of seniors and a tennis girl asked, ”You know about sports and athletic injuries, right Fredman?”

“Yea, right Goldie.”

The she raised her right leg up over her head like it was perfectly normal and asked, “Could you feel my hamstring and tell me if it’s a cramp or if you think I pulled something.”

Needless to say every teenaged boy in the room said, ”I’m going to be pulling something here in a minute.”

I told her to put her stupid leg down in a social studies class and if she had anymore questions she should raise her hand.

Another time a young girl wearing a European running outfit with barrel top—never trust a man who know what a barrel top is-was kneeling on the carpet doing behind the head pull downs on the universal machine.

Fredman, can you come in and over here and hold me down while I’m doing these?”

“And who is going to hold me down, ”I joked, and she asked “huh” and I said “what” and she said “You can think what you want Fred BUT, the next time you see me coming, you better run”
“I said that could be easily done, just find me down Highway 61.

Chillin with Dylan Tangled Up In Pabst Blue

FReddogg