Freddogg Off The Chain

What do you call a retired school teacher with insomnia? Not worried about a damned thing, that’s what.
I have been up and down all night but mostly up thanks to an older lab in gastric annoyance and a psycho Siamese that wanted to play cat and mouse with me in the dark for 20 minutes before I finally caught him and launched his boney ass towards the empty bird feeder swinging in 20 degree gale force winds blowing from the north
Throw on top of that pile Darby Doodle the four month old gay circus puppy who actually talks in love muffin growls which mean “Don’t walk past here without rubbing my belly bitch” and you have the lead character in an all creatures great and small all night episode.
I was offered at chance to do a talk radio show last year but they wanted me to do the 3 to 8 p.m.shift, but what losers listen to talk radio during those hours? I wanted to be the midnight man who talks to fisherman and coke heads, anxiety ridden non sleepers and late night lovers of themselves. “Listen to them, creatures of the night,” said Bella Lagosi in empathetic delight.
And so I may drive off to WaWa or the all night dinner where I can check out other creatures of the night and grab new material.
And what do you call a mildly attractive woman alone in an all night dinner at 3 a.m.? I’d call her a police decoy and let in go at that. Here in Sussex County you can find really giant and fat woman alone in the dead of night. I call them magnum decoys, which I discovered actually exist, because I have a friend who owns one. A giant Canadian honker the size of a Volkswagen beetle-someone had to conceptualize then make it and then sell it- which then gets set adrift to entice an entire “what the flock” of migratory geese stoned on hallucinogenic corn to swoop down for a closer look before getting shredded by some Ducks Unlimited fuck head with an ecological conscious who never heard of Darwin who found love on a deadend street but lost in on a lonely highway to hell.
I’m done just ran out of coffee.

Nighty Night Night

Freddoodle