Friday, February 23, 2007
Gates of Heaven
The Gates of Heaven, if they exist, must resemble a crowd streaming into a Who concert. The image at the Gate is always of a conversation with a Saint Peter type before passing through.
Three weeks ago a man bound in an electric wheelchair perished when the motor caught first igniting the chair and he couldn’t escape.
“I’m dealing with paralysis and my chair catches on fire? Who thought that was a good idea?’
“I just work here, ”says Saint Peter. “I’ve seen worse stuff than that, it’s all part of the unknowable and universal paradox of moving through infinite time and space what I call the Chronosynclastic Infundibulum.”
“Just shut up and open the gate.”
Yesterday a group of seniors on a Caribbean Cruise in Costa Rico took a private bus charter and were assaulted by would be knife wielding bandits. These 70 year old guys snapped “we ain’t afraid to die” and two thugs ran but the third was caught by a 70 year old retired cop who took the knife broke two of the teenage felon’s collar bones then proceeded choke the boy to death.
The Costa Rican authorities took statements put the old boys back on the ship and said, ”enjoy the rest of your vacation.”
Meanwhile at the Gates of Heaven Saint Peter got smart.
“Guess you won’t be attacking any old people ever again, ain’t that right boy? I have to admit I knew that was coming and it was all the way off the hook. Forizzle Shazizzle!
Freddogg
