Freddogg Off The Chain

I call them crimes with little or no chance of success. They are born of desperation or just plain stupidity or it is logically deduced that unwitting victims and subsequent crime solvers are even more stupid then the perpetrators.

I know an incredibly large dark skinned guy with a voice that will blow out the base of a two way speaker who hijacked a car by grabbing a women’s wrist at an intersection in broad daylight yanking her out and telling her to “git”! The car was a hatchback Civic which listed left as the guy went down the road reaching into his own stomach to drive it. But at least this 10x character was wearing a gold pimp outfit with large Sydney Greenstreet Maltese Falcon 1932 style hat.

Two other guys asked a third guy for a ride to the liquor story just before the midnight closing. The third guy loved his car and kept it spotless. The two guys went into the store and robbed it then came out and said, ”take us home we just robbed the store, do you want a beer?”

During the preliminary hearing the driver used the standard getaway driver’s defense, ”I didn’t know what they were doing.” A lineup of character witnesses including me agreed that this man would sooner use his mother as a getaway car than his actual car which he loved a whole lot more although it didn’t hold as many people.

Another guy was 6’5” and 260 pounds of muscle went into the local hospital wearing a tool belt and began to disassemble the dollar bill changer. A nurse asked him what he thought he was doing he said he would have to take the machine to the shop for repairs and so walked out with it on his shoulder at 9 p.m. through the automatic doors of the emergency room.

He was walking down the street when the state police helicopter beamed down on him and told him to “drop the machine!” His response: “It’s mine!”

Another big guy from Tobago with very dark skin, silky black hair piled high like a seining net and a Bob Marley accent walked into a restaurant at 7.a.m. filled with retired white people from nearby modular home parks. He ordered a coffee paid the woman and when she opened the register he threw the coffee on her. He then grabbed this big assed silver looking register and walked out the door with it. Not a great plan, made worse by the fact that he didn’t have a car.

Finally, two local former all state football athletes, waited until closing time, to hold up a Kentucky Fried Chicken with loaded weapons. The bigger guy said, “Fill up one of those family buckets with chicken and throw in a few biscuits and you all better stop laughing.”

When the cops got there they asked the high school kids behind the counter if they recognized either man, one girl said,”Yes, one of them is my cousin.”

The have been 18 “splash and grab” robberies at Philadelphia area convenience stores over the last month and I’m thinking I probably know these guys. Here is an excerpt from the Philadelphia Inquirer.

"During a typical heist, one of the robbers will buy a hot chocolate or coffee and throw the drink into the cashier's face, clearing the way for his accomplice to grab the money from the till."

If fate had relegated me to temporary clerk status and I got hot chocolate in the face I would not rest until revenge was mine!

Freddogg

link below shows video of splash and grab story


http://cbs3.com/local/local_story_047232943.html