Freddogg Off The Chain

Malaise and Mayonnaise are two words you don’t want to hear in the same sentence during a brief meeting with your family doctor and friend which turns into a full blown roll onto your left side physical just because you look-what’s the word I’m looking for, oh yea, Fat!

But at least I got to take my shirt off for the 20 year old graduate of a technical high school who squirted me with alcohol and put rubber suction cups all over me. And earlier the bitch-I mean young woman-told me that my diastolic number was high and I told her I never had a problem with blood pressure and she could just get out of my face before I blew my top. .

Later I was anomaly guy with sudden blood pressure problems and a larger on the left side heart sometimes called Athlete’s Heart because in spite of my appearances I have always been an endurances athlete who performs best under a dress I mean stress.

I told the doctor that I had feet of fire and he said that could be a million reasons for that then asked how long I was feeling this current state of malaise and I answered I know your not talking to me about mayonnaise and he said no the human emotion malaise which I googled then went Wikipedia and soon read “Creeping Crud” and I just thought mother humping creeping crud-you know that feeling like after eating a chocolate cake and then Lebanon bologna toasted sandwich with extra malaise.

So this morning it’s tests at the hospital time and by noon my doctor calls me at home and I’m sure the reason is to admit me for any one of a number of catastrophic conditions.
“I shouldn’t call to reinforce bad behavior, ”he said but your blood chemistry is the best I’ve seen come through here in a long time for any person of any age.
Your cholesterol is 150 so why all the salami and provolone jokes and I told him that no joke I just recently ate a Sam’s Club party pack of the stuff and I’ll eat cheese omelets and whatever I feel like eating.
And my PSA was 1 where normal is 4 and above normal is bad.
So if I can just shake this Creeping Crud feeling of malaise I should be aces. Oh yea I dieted one half day and lost six pounds mostly because of a calories that are still packed under names like Twix, Mars and Stouffers.

Peace and Pizza

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