Freddogg Off The Chain

Haley is my neighbor and friend and she wanted to find a turtle. I found a cool yellow box turtle- Haley is eight years old- so I asked her mother if I could give to her and Mom said, ”Not really, what am I supposed to do with it?” and I said, "make Haley happy until it latches onto her lower lip then return it to nature.”

My street is loose and contains imperfect, sort of spooky offbeat characters, which is the way I like it. So I’m walking home and this car slows down and a guy ask if I live along the street and did I notice a puddle of dried white paint on our new black top and I said honestly I don’t notice stuff like that.
I can see his wife’s torso only in the passenger seat. The guy goes on and on about how the BFI trash truck was spilling paint last Monday and he was following the trail. He said he called them to come clean up but they said something unintelligible which I know in local culture means "go fuck yourself you asshole import with a perfect lawn."

The guy said he didn’t want any trash truck dropping paint in his community- I interrupted-It’s one road your Nassau Woods is hardly a community and I ratcheted my game to attack mode because I knew if I lived in his community he might get offended when Darby Dog activated his motion sensitive flood lights and I would have to just kill his ass on the spot.

He told me he called the Delaware Department of Natural Resources because the paint constituted a chemical spill. At that point I was contemplating dragging him by his head and neck through the open window and telling his wife to stop dressing like a high school girl because it wasn’t working.

The bottom line is this guy is wearing a Fathers Day Road racing shirt and I cover all the races and he never bothers to introduce himself too busy talking about dried white paint on a hot black road.

I know I must steal a shrub from his front yard then plant it in the front yard of the Lesbians who live up the street from me then I can just sit back and enjoy the fruits of my reckless indifference that result in his hospitalization.

Just a walkin the Freddogg