Thursday, June 07, 2007
WIRELESS TAPS
“You won’t believe what he said to me? Are you ready for this because you are not going to believe it? I called him and asked if he was going to the beach and do you know what he had the nerve to say? You are not going to believe it!”
I couldn’t linger any longer on this eavesdropped overheard cell phone conversation so I just flat out asked the strangely but most assuredly augmented queen of the treadmill “Well what did he say? Because, I have to get inside and work out, they don’t sell parts for a body like this. So what did he say?”
‘Do I know you, ”she asked knowing she didn’t and I didn’t want to know her either but if you're going to intrude with your cell phone drama on passing innocents then at least have the courtesy to move it along.
Last week my wife and I were having dinner when suddenly appeared at the end of our table some loser on his cell phone standing there like he was our waiter. I pointed at him and said, “take your bad hairpiece and Mattie Mattel toy phone and your Captain Midnight decoder ring and get out of here. “
He didn’t even have the manly instinct to know he had just been dressed down he just turned and walked someplace else. The amazing thing is that if he wanted to play with me I would have hoisted him over my head spun him around three times then thrown him to the Mexicans in the kitchen.
If the guy had been NFL felon Tank Johnson of the Chicago Bears would I have acted the same? Damn right I wouldn’t have! I’m not stupid, even retarded animals don’t attack ones they can’t beat.
Freddogg
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Last night I went to a Nationals game and we had two groups of people sitting behind us: two young guys who were trying to impress each other with statistics about the p-burgh pirates- the other group was a grown daughter and daddy pair from p-burgh.
I thought the two guys were on our nerves the most until I overheard the father tell his daughter the following story:
Daddy: One time I worked in an office that had roaches. When I left for Christmas, I decided to fog my office. When I came back to work this one guy down the hall was making a big deal about the increase in roaches in his office over the break. I went down to say hello, which is weird because I usually keep to myself, and he told me his office is overrun with roaches.
Daughter: So what did you do Dad?
Daddy: I just said "Oh" and went back to my office. The funny thing is a few years ago I ran into mike at the park and said hello. He didn’t recognize me and was a little suspicious of me but once he realized we actually did work down the hall from one another he said hello.
Okay, I waited for about 1/2 an inning listening to their silence before I started laughing because that was actually the whole story- now THAT was annoying! A few minutes later they asked me to take their picture together and secretly I took a picture of the stats boys to their left, I figure if I see them in a park in a few years, if pressed, I will say hello.
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I thought the two guys were on our nerves the most until I overheard the father tell his daughter the following story:
Daddy: One time I worked in an office that had roaches. When I left for Christmas, I decided to fog my office. When I came back to work this one guy down the hall was making a big deal about the increase in roaches in his office over the break. I went down to say hello, which is weird because I usually keep to myself, and he told me his office is overrun with roaches.
Daughter: So what did you do Dad?
Daddy: I just said "Oh" and went back to my office. The funny thing is a few years ago I ran into mike at the park and said hello. He didn’t recognize me and was a little suspicious of me but once he realized we actually did work down the hall from one another he said hello.
Okay, I waited for about 1/2 an inning listening to their silence before I started laughing because that was actually the whole story- now THAT was annoying! A few minutes later they asked me to take their picture together and secretly I took a picture of the stats boys to their left, I figure if I see them in a park in a few years, if pressed, I will say hello.
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