Freddogg Off The Chain

What do you call the place where Special Education and No Child Left Behind meet the world of the adult workforce? I call it KMART which is on the economic skids like a parking lot of empty wood pallets.

Today I picked the aisle with the snaggle-toothed retired biker and recovering crystal methamphetamine dude running the register. He was friendly and congenial said he too was going to get some of that Vitamin Water on sale.

A big headed white woman about 30 with short hair making her look like a jack-o-lantern, configurationally speaking, came over to bag my catch. I had noticed her on the way in because of how loud she was in normal conversation. You could not speak that loud without throwing your shoulders into the delivery but somehow she managed-it was like crazy loud.

I asked her what I ask a lot of people “where did you go to high school” and she surprised me by yelling,” Saint Mark’s.” I mean you can't judge a frame by the bedding she just didn’t look like a preppy private Catholic school type girl.

“I was just up at Saint Mark’s a few days ago for a girls lacrosse game, ”I said. “There have a new field torched by an overdose of roundup and a new bench but those Catholics don’t trust anyone because they also had a brand new trash can chained to the bench like some student was going to get out of school look way over to the bright silver trash can and conclude, ”I need to come back under cover of darkness and steal that baby. What an awesome trash can?”

Then snaggle tooth said,” I’d be more worried if they left two pieces of wood some nails and a hammer” and loud girl just went off the hizzy and the pair of them were like Bose speakers. It was wild. I was walking away when I noticed the surly and bad attitude black girl working the customer service desk. She was a former student of mine.

“Why you gotta be over there telling your dry jokes to them loud white people Fredman”? I swear, you just never stop.”

I walked out looking like one of those squinting people you see who are in their own world trying to figure something out. “That was a catholic crucifixion joke that went over my head,”I said to myself. I need a hoagie!”

Don’t know where the hoagie came from and don’t care I just went and bought one.


freddogg