Freddogg Off The Chain

Remember when biofeedback was cool? I view the brain like the cockpit of a 747 and sometimes it is on automatic pilot and goes where it wants. But we are so susceptible to comments “are you working out? “ and digital read outs “my resting heart rate is 45” to which the appropriate response is “and when your dead it will be zero.”
Two fit women I know causally threw unsolicited compliments my way on the same morning. I played them off the way I usually do “Fredman have you lost weight?” to which I respond,”No,” I’m just not as fat as you remember me. “
And later that same day my trainer consultant and friend Super Dave sat down next to me on the stationary bike and asked, ”How much do you weigh? I responded “why?” and he said because you look like you’re gaining weight.”
I told him that Heidi and Cat think I look good so why should I listen to Bronco Nagurski. Dave wanted me to get on a scale right then but I refused. Later at home I went Balance beam-center the bubble scale- and of course Dave was right and now five pounds lighter I look imperceptibly different and I’m missing meatballs.
I like the blood pressure machine at Happy Harry’s because every time I use it the number comes back too high BUT if I clear it and use it again the second time I am normal which makes me feel good which is why you check it in the first place.
Have you ever noticed that only “on ideal weight” people know their weight to the pound you never hear a fat lady say,” Dam up to 287 its time for me to join the gym.”
Some I’m riding this bike and if you squeeze the handle grips it will flash your heart rate. I have to peddle like I’m heading towards some type of climatic conclusion just to get my heart rate to go over 100 but the other day out of no where it read 186 so I quickly removed my hands and I was slightly biofeedback unnerved but I deduced technical glitch bitch and when I put my hands back on the number was 86 and before any of you readers start let me tell you I don’t believe 186 anymore than I believed it when a blood test showed an alarming number on my billiruben count to which I replied “false positive” and I was right and can there even be a condition known as “false positive?”
I had a fever last night easily detectable for males without a thermometer but I had one it recorded my temperature as 5 but my wife told me to turn it right side up and then it was 100.5 but what if it had said 103.5? “I’d have felt the same but the biofeedback would have hyperventilated me and I would have passed out and killed the cat sleeping next to my deck chair.
The moral of the story is go by how you feel don’t search for numbers you don’t want to know and only entertain positive comments.

Freddogg