Freddogg Off The Chain

E Harmony has taken the place of Cognitive Dissonance the basic instinct and negative emotion generated by people who do not attract but are repulsed or is the word repelled?
Back in the early days of computer data processing–remember those IBM cards and number 2 pencils- the high school where I work had a computer match fund raiser and yes in retro it was a dumber idea than the slave auction in the cafeteria during spirit week which was cool until the black people deduced it reflected badly on them but if there were a fag auction who would dare open their mouths-that doesn’t sound right at all.
Anyway I picked up a questionnaire and card and choose every undesirable and loathsome trait that was available by forced choice and later dropped it in a box with the name Gorilla Monsoon and for homeroom teacher I put Fredman.
Day’s later cute kids & student council types accustomed to being lust targets showed up at my room to give kids who played the dollar game their 10 person match list. I had forgotten all about it.
Big white Sharon- clumped hair and stained Hulkamania tee shirt and -god bless her it was so sad-because she had a good heart- looked down at her list to the soul mate in number one position.
“Hey! Who the hell is Gorilla Monsoon,”she screamed. I never worked so hard to remain expressionless as 28 other kids stared at me. Do you know how hard it is to look clueless when you are not? For a battered Catholic boy it’s not that hard. And I have even been falsely accused often in my life and rightly accused. I always have remained calm just once or twice saying "Sister I didn't fucking do it!"followed promptly by a smack down which only stings it doesn't hurt.
Later that spring when coaching track I had to provide an adult official to the state track meet. No one volunteered so I wrote in the name Gorilla Monsoon on the entry sheet.
The Meet Director from a private school went on the public address system and announced in perfect pitch and resonance “Gorilla Monsoon of Cape Henlopen please report to the long jump pit or your team will be disqualified.”
I got that same look from my team. They knew Gorilla Monsoon was Fredman their coach but I was so deadpan and even told the Meet Director that Gorilla Monsoon had to attend the wedding of his older brother Bo Bo Brazil but perhaps Chief Big Heart would do it if I could find him.

Freddogg