Freddogg Off The Chain

Emergency room doctors in South Central Los Angeles speaking on the Discovery Channel ER program said if you want to clear “Gang Bangers” out of ‘Cubicle City’ on a Saturday night just yell “who here needs a catheter?”
And have you ever seen a black person in the Emergency waiting room? That is a trick question because once the word gets out the entire extended family including the children of cousins and great aunts are showing up. You never see A person! I didn’t make that rule it’s just what happens.
Speaking of the ‘insert your own catheter’ home kit and what is covered by insurance commercials I think some fat face curly headed dumb assed white woman lamenting “I am tired of re-cat –boiling them on the stove because insurance won’t cover the cost of new tubing” and I’m like “Yo Bitch! It’s 8 a.m. on a weekday. I didn’t know and don’t want to know how many re-cathing women are doing evacuation drills on a given morning! I’ll never look at Chatty Cathy again! Again? The next time will be the first right after Botox Barbie or as spell checker prefers Booty Barbie.
Men from my parents generation and older only got as technical as “women'" problems” and beyond that no man worth his testosterone wanted to know a dam thing and I’m sure there weren’t self cathing women behind curtains because I never saw one in my mothers nursing books and I saw plenty and I could never understand how they got the hideously deformed to wear black electrical tape over their eyes while a photographer with a Yashika twin reflex camera took photos of asymmetrical breasts and trust me-you have no idea.
If I ever see those Flomax bikers and hikers and deep sea fisherman meander through my neighborhood I am going to kick all their asses before they get to the men’s room.
The drug companies are evil and all their commercials should be banned from regular t.v because it is not in the public interest to know any of this stuff. “Certain realities require ignoring” Grand mom Rose used to say after I told her there was a picture in the nursing hard bound book collection of a man with elephant balls or elephantiasis if you’re a medical professional.
She made me tell her the volume and page number and as I left my footprints on the dirty linoleum floor banging the windowless aluminum storm door on the way out I heard grand mom scream “Holy Coconuts!”