Freddogg Off The Chain

Pictured above Cheeta and a Herd of Zebras
I was driving to a football scrimmage today listening to a country station on Sirius radio as Merle Haggard was singing the 1967 hit “Lonesome Fugitive” as opposed to “beleaguered by a crowd of too many people Fugitive” and I heard the lyric “I used to raise a lot of cane in my younger days while momma would pray my crops would fail.”
I have been having a problem lately controlling my anger and so I screamed out loud,”That is the dumbest fucking lyric I’ve ever heard and that includes rap.”
Then I’m at the scrimmage and I heard this young coach-looked to be about 25-say to a sweaty high school player on the sideline “You look like Tarzan but you play like Jane.”
But Jane was an old school nasty bitch all scurvy and parasites with malaria and Trypanosomiasis delivered by the dreaded Tsetse fly that nibbled on her nipples at night and she later fell asleep while having sex with Tarzan because Trypansomiasis is actually sleeping sickness and Tarzan had no game anyway. Anthropology professors prefer the technical word to pump up the pompous lecture as saying “flies and shit” reflects badly on the science that ain’t a real science anyway.
Edgar Rice Burroughs created Tarzan in the 1920’s and there have been 27 feature films with different titles all equally stupid of plot centered on good versus evil-the Ho Jane- and a back flipping chimp named Cheeta that is still alive at 76 composes country lyrics and plays the piano.
I taught Americana stuff in high school back in the 80’s and once had a Tarzan yell off won by Charlie Dolson soccer star in 1986 and all teachers though that meant I was a goof off but my class was off the vine and I took busloads of seniors to the zoo which placed me in the role of district wide goof off but all disappearing habitat for “Homo habilis” aside those Darwinian dead enders didn’t understand that citizens of voting age need to visit zoos to develop a sense of global responsibility.
Why can’t I just watch football?