Freddogg Off The Chain

I’ve wanted to bust a few onions over 35 years of teaching but I am a master of restraint and anyway when you’re Teacher Man and Funnyman in the newspaper you just don’t get to hit people otherwise know as Assault Third.

Last week after dropping off newspapers at two different schools I went to Gold’s Gym. I pulled around back of a ghetto parking lot and to the dead zone corner to allow my retrievers a few moments to defile nature’s beauty with mammalian waste products. The average price of the houses facing a lake on the other side of the fence was 3 million or more.

A double gate was wide open and the dogs crossed over into the No Landscape for Labs lush flowers and shrubbery albeit fake flora.

I patiently waited when suddenly appeared a short round and scraggly beaded bright white guy who commenced to scream at me relentlessly about his property and dogs and to keep them out like suddenly I was showing up everyday. I though of saying a lot of things but just shook my head up and down like “I am in total agreement with you.” My pressure did not rise because as a public school teacher for 35 years his assault on me was downright amateurish.

But he left then came back into my sight line and was talking about babies and chicken and I thought “dam there was a baby eating chicken roll and the dogs just snagged it so I considered offering him 20 dollars for chicken but then I heard “baby chickens” and realized this woefully unhappy person was raising chickens in the backyard of a Mc Mansion with a water view.

I have so many joint rotation infirmaries right now that if I got in a fight I’d look like a robot in a 1957 black and white science fiction movie. My corner man would have a long spigot oil can to keep me limber.

Baby freaking chickens!

Freddogg