Freddogg Off The Chain

A New York City patrol officer was suspended from his job after being charged with six counts of sex with cows. That’s right chew on that sentence for a few minutes before arguing “do we really need bestiality laws to stay on the books?” What in Carnation?


Remember when Polish jokes were fun? Like the guy who used up all his sick days so he called in dead. Well a recent study in England suggests that certain medical conditions associated with workplace absences may identify people who have an increased risk of premature death.

In America “calling in sick” has a different meaning most times having nothing to do with actual sickness. In fact, the American workforce invented the term “mental health day” rationalizing “I’m not coming in for the good of everybody. I think I’ll spend a relaxing day in a cow pasture.”

I was part of the work force herd who never gave up a sick day being sick when I could come to work and get paid for it.

I took an English Literature class long ago when most campus bovines found me attractive and my teacher with the author/poet James Dickey who wrote the Novel “Deliverance” and actually used his own son as a stand in for Ned Beatty in the 'Squeal like a Pig' Hillbilly scene. Dickey also wrote a poem about a Wholly Baby inside a jar in a Georgia Museum. I remember him saying that every small town in America had a story about some guy who had sex with a sheep and you know he’s right I just saw curly headed Sheep Guy in Food Lion the other day in the express line right behind Vacuum Cleaner Guy. I only wish I were making this up.

A why do people count sheep or make up rhymes about cows jumping over moons or “how now brown cow” just what the hell does that mean?

I think I’ll call in sick and vacuum every rug in the house. Imagine when patrol cow/cop returns to work and pulls over a motorist for a mooing violation.

* This posting is regressive writing. It is so eighth grade I’m expecting any moment to be attacked by a penguin with a stick.