Freddogg Off The Chain

All I wanted was one air filter for my furnace. I knew the size, the old width, length and height trick that so impresses insider traders of heating supply parts. The warehouse was huge and there were filters all over the freaking place.
I stood at the counter in my black Under Armour shirt just looking all wrong. There was no name on my shirt pocket, in fact, no pocket, no ball cap, and absolutely no depth of humorous stories centering on impact wrenches.
I patiently waited and listened to counter interactions as we went from Phillips heads-who was this guy Phillips-to slot drivers throwing in words like torque and ratchet. I was being iced, made to wait, it was revenge of the redneck clique from the high school general ed track.
Finally Mr. is it a supply or ignition problem furnace unit troubleshooter dude took his lame brained stories to his white Chevy van with roof racks and bunged PVC storage pipes in the parking lot.
I stepped to the counter-‘Yaw got this animal-air filter-20-24-2 although I believe it will also take a 20 ½.”
I figured maybe I was in although admittedly I didn’t squint my eyes and look bewildered like the previous “I service what you don’t comprehend dude.”
‘Do you have an HVAC contractors license, ’I was asked, and the body language from “now I have to stand here and wait for the answer” counter guy assumed I didn’t have one and so I responded, “How about a Food Lion MVP card? Do I look like a contractor to you?”

”Can’t sell it to you,”he said.
“Let me ask you a question,”I asked. “Does the filter exist in real life and is it in this warehouse?”
He said, "yes" and I said "cool" stayed away from all sarcasm and left driving to my personal heating and plumbing service guys who took me into a warehouse and said “take all you want you can have an entire box of filters.”
Turns out there is a law which says ordinary citizens who are not licensed HVAC contractors cannot purchase supplies directly from distributors because one too many household repair guys have blown up one too many houses and apartment buildings and somehow Barack Obama has been implicated in the new republican strategy of "blame the black guy for everything."
Personally I like being shut down, told that I am not air filter worthy, or too stupid to purchase one, but I can do impeller versus propeller jokes which are way more sophisticated than some impact wrench riff.
By the way, what the hell is an impact wrench?

Chillin like a Chile Dog on a summer afternoon