Sunday, December 28, 2008
Psycho Santa
About 35 years ago the post dinner living in an apartment routine was to watch the local Philly news on black and white television then settle in for the Untouchables narrated by Walter Winchell and starring Robert Stack as Elliot Ness and Neville Brand as Al Capone.
One Christmas season the program began with street corner Santa ringing a bell on the Chicago sidewalk. Three year old Dave a very verbal first child started to chirp.
“Santa! There’s Santa. Santa Bell. Why? There’s Santa.”
My wife said to me,”Do you think it’s a good idea that he watches the Untouchables every night after dinner?”
“I don’t care”I said. “I’m watching it. Let him go bury his head in the toy box.”
Just then a car with running boards came speeding around the corner. And of course there was a hit man on the running boards with a Tommy gun and he shot Santa full of holes as it turns out Santa was really rival hit man ‘Stromboli Sal.’
“What happened Santa, Davey asked?
“Santa just got waxed! Swiss cheese baby! God I love this program!”
“Santa Swiss cheese” “that’s right son, and that’s no bologna.”
And so 2008 a guy puts on a Santa outfit straps a gas tank to his leg along with semi automatic pistol goes to the house of his estranged in laws and X dog, knocks on the door, an eight year old answers and he shoots her in the face (she survives with flesh wound) but nine people inside are not so lucky.
This story is so ugly that a movie is unthinkable and Self Inflicted Santa went beyond crazy –premeditated Santa Savagery- what, he looks in the mirror like Dinero in Taxi Driver “You talking to me? Are you talking to me?”
Human behavior, the old explanation of, the lord works in mysterious ways and ours is not to reason why but maniacal Santa shooting little people in the face? There is no good way to spin that but you can bet the Catholics noticed that Saint Nick is some German protestant boogie man.
I could give the mass sermon to close this case. Everyone stands up, offers each other the international no idea sign of the shoulder shrug,then moves on to the parish hall for sandwiches and talk of NFL playoffs. What else is there to say?
