Freddogg Off The Chain

Avoid bad food and avoid the fat I get that. Work out and enjoy the benefits I get that. I am an avoidance approach kind of guy. I have avoided the Golden Globes, Survivor, American Idol, The Apprentice and Regis Philbin. But riding the bike at the gym under headphones listening to “Leave the Mud People Alone” by the Subdudes and there is Cute little Kelly what’s her name on the television overhead. I am intrigued by her carefully scripted vulnerability. How does one woman learn all those subtle cutesy maneuvers? Give me a smirk over a pout any day.
I want to get away from all things Ophra but she keeps rising like a biscuit in box of friend chicken tenders. One hundred million a year and in her own words “how could I do it? How could I let it happen?” She is of course talking about getting fat again then annoying the nation about it. She is talking about being so fat that when a friend practices the Heimlich maneuver on Ophra her body plays Lady of Spain like a Lawrence Welk accordion.
People who used to be fat take a compliment and turn it into a food depth charge then marvel when they don’t blow up. And so the subconscious says “you can eat whatever you want because you have changed your metabolism and your now naturally hyper kinetic like all those type A efficient vice free overachievers that you’d love to sugar smack down at the sugar shack.
Like a necktie in the washer diet is all a vicious spin cycle. Fight the power!