Freddogg Off The Chain

I can leave a gym of mirrors and never look at myself. I can sit in a hairdressers chair and do the same. ‘Sure the haircut looks great but whose gray/black fuzz is on the floor?
Last Saturday I was cruising Food Lion spree shopping for all things not on anyone’s resolution list?
A woman with a southern Virginia waterman’s accent practically rolled up on my shoe tops and began to wear me out. I hadn’t seen her for years not since the time I heard her tell some people she was in the middle of nowhere and blew a seal and had to pull over and I asked her “are we talking circus or saltwater seal”?
I told her I retired from teaching and she said “I know you retired and got old.” I was taken a hairy back for a second and considered going into attack mode on a person who can’t even reach the Nutter Butters in aisle three but I just said “I see how you roll” and wanted to add “don’t blow any seals on the way out of here” but I restrained my darker side.
The following day I was in gym garb and caught inside a stopped still crowd of indecisive WaWa customers. A tall woman turned to me and said “do you want any fruit?’ then answered her own question “I guess you don’t” realizing I was not who she thought I was. I was about to pay for coffee when the woman behind me said “did you pay for mine honey”? I turned and she exclaimed “you’re not my husband. Sorry he is wearing a gray jacket just like you.”
This extending family was having a high time mistaking me for the patriarch who emerged from the breakfast sandwich warmer he thought was a facial tanning bed, looking all short and fat and bald in a V Neck graying shirt with chest hairs peaking through and I thought “Freaking Priceless!”