Freddogg Off The Chain

I started my apprenticeship as a writer back in fourth grade by taking hard news stories and rewriting them into inappropriate comic riffs. Some of my confiscated regurgitation and twisting of realities were shown to my mother as evidence “your son needs help” but after mom was done laughing she would tell them “he is funny it is you all that need help.”
Fifty years later none of us need help as our defective society continually produces an army of misfits beyond salvation or redemption.
Take the Pittsburgh “Cat Lady” who ran a no kill shelter called “: Tiger Ranch: The Land of Milk and Tuna.” The place was filled with dead and diseased cats, cats in freezers and mass graves of cats 12 feet long 12 feet wide and 12 feet deep the graves dug by a redneck friend with a rented Bob Cat. Investigators said you couldn’t walk the property without hearing the sound of cat bones crunching under your Timberlands.”
The judge sentenced the woman to two years probation and said she should be in prison but the state’s taxpayers shouldn’t have to pay to warehouse her. The beastly big breasted behemoth paused for seconds before responded “why I gotta be warehoused.” And the Judge was quick to retort” what do you prefer your own hanger?’
The woman known as Miss Marie spoke to the court and said “she was past the lying she had done. She had undergone what she called a "paradigm shift."
A paradigm shift- a science term-is defined as a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis in the way people think. It just does not happen, but rather it is driven by agents of change you know like apps for ipods or a four slice toaster.
A cat lover in the courtroom was held in contempt for going dog side and screaming “shift this paradigm you fat bitch!”

Go to Pittsburgh Post Gazette to find this story.