Freddogg Off The Chain

I am the winner of this year’s Nobel Schmuck prize. I was already a finalist when just this afternoon I was walking through the Lowe’s parking lot with a construction grade 75 foot rubber hose-I hate it when I’m ready to wash my car and the hose is kinked-I mean I really violently hate it- and just after I tossed the hose into the bed of my Tundra an old limping man carrying a empty silver bowl ask me for a donation to help pay for his wife’s funeral because she just died of diabetes and he didn’t have any insurance or job to pay burial expenses.
I should have asked “well where’s the bitch now” but the guy wasn’t a drunk and so I processed all available information and gave the guy a wad of one’s totally nine dollars. And as soon as he procured the money the story stopped dead just like his diabetic dead wife who was probably at home setting the table for the high stakes blue collar pinochle tournament at the trailer park.
I sat in my truck and watched the guy work figuring it was entertainment for my nine dollars. I saw a man who is always complaining that his son doesn’t get enough newspaper recognition playing sports. The guy gave him nothing in fact everyone but me gave nothing which is why I win the Nobel Schmuck prize.
Once after a Ravens game I saw a little old black man on his knees begging for coins. A young white dude stopped at a traffic light jumped out of his pickup and ran over and gave the guy a can of Budweiser. The guy got up went over to a wall and sat back practically purring and he tasted the first sip.
Budweiser boy was a semi finalist for Nobel Schmuck but I won because that guy was just a regular schmuck while I am a stupid schmuck.
And you know what? I’m o.k. with all of it!

Freddogg “Ain’t To Proud To Beg”